You see (sic), where I come from, people will size you up and down whenever and wherever. Just take one step in the public space and you will be - sooner rather than later - scrutinized for what you wear, how you walk, talk, what you do or do not do. OK, well, at least that's the bad aspect of a staring culture. But here comes the good part: you can stare too! And there is also a reward: eye contact! Plus, if you're really good at this - smiles! Alright, if you’re really bad at this, you can get into a fight – but let’s not go there for now…
I can understand eye contact and smiles not being valuable currency in a world of avid video gamers (did I even use that term correctly?); however, there is something immensely comforting in a sustained, reciprocated human stare from a complete stranger. It sort of provides a connection that has been lost and remains unbridged by any sort of new media or electronics you may want to throw its way. It makes you feel like you are part of something bigger than just the thoughts that run through your head, because sometimes, that stranger staring you back seems to say “yeah, dude, it’s ok, we’re in this together”. That is one of the things I miss about… well, about back home.
So I stare. I stare mostly while walking down the street. I just look at the first person I see – straight at them, and wait. Till they walk by. So I’m on to the next. They walk by as well. No matter, tons of people on Toronto streets. My game has thus far confirmed my fears: Canadians would much rather look at anything else than to stare a stranger in the eye! Window shopping, cell checking, button fixing, glass adjusting usually get the upper hand over my staring attempts. Some people do get caught off guard, so they look back for a split second – enough to make sure I’m not a psycho trying to rob them, after that they refocus politely on some other object (“blah, what a freak, why is she still looking at me”). And then there are the very few who get it, they simply do get it, and they will look at you for however long it’s left until walking past you takes them back to their unknown, anonymous life. Oh, yes, and out of those, the one or two who will also smile! Thank God for the Latinos! They always make my day!
It is true that results vary with the time of the day. My morning walks to the subway are the least successful of all: everyone is in a hurry, half-asleep, shut-eyed, looking for their caffeine fix. Unless they’re sitting in the coffee-shop window, but those are already voyeurs themselves… Lunch and evening seem to be better, but still not what I was hoping to find.
Just to clarify the scope of my project, I’m not trying to obtain looks of admiration or approval here, this is not a big flirting scheme I came up with in my screwed up mind. It’s not even the same as an exercise I noticed one of my friends is up to: smiling at people to confuse them. I don’t smile at people, I just look them in the eye, I mean, I would, I’m actually looking them in the eyelid, because they’re always down. The smile is not a forced thing, it may or may not happen, depending how the object of my gaze reacts. Also, I try my best not to appear scrutinizing in any regard; I avoid looking at people’s physique or clothes – that’s a different project altogether! This one is all about the gaze, and whether or not people are able to recognize it and deal with it.
In North America (as opposed to Europe) there seems to be a social agreement not to stare at people – it is not politically correct or acceptable; it can insinuate discrimination or prejudice or racial profiling or etc… People are more likely to tell you “what the f*** are you looking at?” – heck, if you’re in the states, they might just pull out a gun at you(or is that another misconceived impression of a different culture?). Should this ever happen to me, I plan to politely and very Canadianly apologize.
However, to us Euros, staring is soothing, it’s good for the soul, even good for the mind. I strongly believe that, should we all be more comfortable looking at each other, we would all be much calmer people. I remember one of the first days of my arrival in Canada, I found the city and its masses overwhelming. My hometown in Romania, although I believed it to be big, was nothing compared to this huge wasp nest. The subway platform at Bloor and Yonge was simply mesmerizing. I was seeing, for the first time in my life, people of all races, social classes, ages. It felt like drowning in an ocean of hurried people. I knew it was wrong of me to do it, but I stopped. And stared. No one cared, so I just did it. I looked at everyone closely, I wanted to just take 10 minutes and just stare them all down, and just see them so that I don’t have to stare at them in the future. That to me was extremely calming, it allowed me to recognize and then immerse myself in this new and arresting crowd. It was also a conscious decision to adhere to social norms and stop staring at people thereon. Except that sort of makes me miserable. In a social setting. So, I’m afraid, Toronto, that my little project might just become permanent practice. Perhaps precedent-setting. Perhaps some of you people will stare back. And smile.
